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Grief & Loss After the Election

After the historic election of 2016, where underdog businessman Donald Trump upset Hillary Clinton for the presidency of the United States, many people are in distress. There have been large anti-Trump protests of thousands of people in major cities across the country chanting, “Not my president.”

Large groups of people were grieving yesterday, trying to come to terms with the failure to elect the first woman president. How do you cope with grief and loss after a contentious election like this?

People are upset and we can detect their dismay through analytics on the traffic to Psych Central. Traffic to our 5 Stages of Grief & Loss page was up over 210 percent the day after the election. It is trending higher today as well, as more and more people try and cope with the loss they feel.

Our most popular page today is the article I wrote the day before the election, Healing After the Election.

A loss can be a devastating, frustrating, and even scary experience. We all experience loss in our lives, but few of us have ever experienced the kind of loss that happened on election day. Not only did the country elect an “outsider” — someone with no political experience whatsoever — but they rejected a seasoned politician who would’ve been the first female leader of our nation.

Women seem to be experiencing the loss more strongly than most men. This may be partially due to the historical significance of electing the first woman president. But it’s probably also due to the deeply offensive attitudes, behaviors, and words expressed by the president-elect, Donald Trump, throughout his life. To live under a Trump presidency is downright scary to many, many women (and some men as well).

Stages of Grief & Coping with Loss

Coping with a loss like this will not be easy for many people. But make no mistake about it — this is a significant loss for many people, just as significant as losing a pet, a job, or a relationship.1 Going through the five stages of grief takes time, so you should be patient with yourself (or a loved one) as you give yourself time to experience what this means to you and your life:

1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of the stages.

It may also help to disengage from news on social media, and political updates in general for a few days. Take a social media or news mini-vacation; you won’t miss much and it’ll help you recover from the political overload so many of us are feeling today. And remember, you can’t trust everything you read online. For instance, Facebook has such a large and serious problem with fake news websites, it’s not clear Facebook can be trusted to deliver any type of accurate news stories any longer.

Some people find that action helps address the grief that they feel. If that’s the case, join a peaceful protest or write down what you’re feeling in a journal or blog. Talk to others who share your point of view in a safe, private environment, so that your words won’t be misunderstood or used against you in the future.

Healing from the election and this political process will come in due time. But it will take time, for all of us, to heal fully from what we as a nation just went through. Let’s be patient with one another so that we can come together again one day, as a country united.

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Rwandan is Miss Tourim East Africa UK

Girls’ rights are equivalent to human rights and need to be taken care of,” says Sandra Kabeja, the winner of Miss Tourism East Africa UK 2008. Sandra, 19, from Rwanda trounced the other seven East African beauties to win Miss Tourism East Africa UK 2008 held recently at the University College of London.

And it was not only beauty that was put to the test; contestants also had to prove their mental worth. “I feel proud and greater things are yet to come,” Sandra says in an e-mail to Sunday Times from London.

In July Sandra will represent the region and showcase East African culture and tourism at this year’s Miss Tourism Planet International, in Athens, Greece, where she will compete against thirty other contestants.

“I am just excited about the Greece event and I am looking forward to meeting the other international contestants with whom I will share the beauty and culture of Rwanda,” Sandra adds.

Sandra always dreamt of competing in a beauty pageant and used to practice her catwalk in the mirror. She loved the attention she got from her friends and family who always encouraged her to be a model.

“I want to become a voice to voiceless and be a role model to society,” Sandra says. She was born in Mulago Hospital, Uganda to Jean and Patricia Kabeja. She is the fourth in a family of five; three boys and two girls.

Sandra completed Northside Primary and Compton Technology College - both in London. She is currently a student at the prestigious University of the Arts London where she reads public relations in the hope of graduating into the internal communications sector of PR.

She says she has already gained excellent communication skills and hopes to use these skills as a platform to proclaim the outstanding beauty and rich culture of Rwanda beyond its borders.

Participating in Miss Tourism East Africa UK race has provided Sandra an opportunity to boost tourism for Rwanda.

After attaining her degree, Sandra hopes to start her own public relations company which she will use as a platform for public speaking appearances, character development lessons and event planning.

“I want to be a role model to all the young East African women living in Diaspora and to teach them that beauty and intelligence are not mutually exclusive,” she adds.

Growing and studying in a diverse and multicultural city London, Sandra says, has helped her to adopt different cultures and learn the importance of embracing her Rwandan heritage and the need for intercultural understanding.

Rwandans in UK describe Sandra as an independent, strong willed and determined young woman. She says her victory is for all Rwandans because she will use her position to spread awareness in the UK of what Rwanda has to offer and inevitably focus on changing the negative stereotypes of Rwanda as the country which had the Genocide.

She intends to spread the message of empowerment and independence to all the East African women and also wants to spread the awareness of HIV/ Aids disease.

Crowning Miss Sandra at the Saturday’s event in London, the President of Miss Tourism Planet International, Georges Kututias said: “This girl has a high potential. She has the opportunity to travel the world”.

Kututias described her as positive, independent, strong willed young woman, who always wants to spread the message of empowerment and independence to all other young women in the society.

“We potentially have the next Naomi Campbell in Sandra. I told her so the first day I met her,” Ignatius Mugabo of The Rwandan Community Association in London said of Sandra.

Sandra says she loves children, positive individuals and giving back through volunteer work. “I get touched when I see people suffer. The plight of street children in Africa should be addressed,” Sandra says.

“Sometimes I get angry. Poverty and corruption that is embedded in our beautiful continent make me angry,” she adds.

Asked what she would carry on an island, Sandra replies: “I would carry an iPod to listen to my favourite music and laptop with internet access in order to get access to the news in the world.”

Sandra enjoys travelling and learning different cultures. The Genocide was her saddest moment in life. She lost friends, family members including her grandfather. She says Africa is for all Africans, saying those practising xenophobia in South Africa should stop.

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